The Irreversible Assembly Line of Creation

I get tired

Of being a crazy

Writer,

Of being a sober

Alcoholic,

Of being a psychotic

Mess,

Of thinking with

A mind

That I can’t disconnect

From

Completely

Or learn to work with

Through meditation

Because when I leave it

Behind

I always have to come back

To the thing

That psychiatrists say

Is broken.

It loves to see the

Ugly

And ignore all of the

Beauty,

Even though it pretends

To have hope.

I’m headed straight

For the psych ward

As a tornado of

Irrational thought

That spins around

So fast

That the dizziness begins

To make me think that

I’m enlightened--

I’m a fool

For believing so.

I’m just a child

That is trying to grow up

So fast.

It’s time to come back

Down

To earth;

I’ve gone too far past

The atmosphere

For gravity to pull me

Back in

And astronauts must

Be sent

To rescue me

If I let them.

I now understand why

Doctors prescribe me

Pills--

My head is filled with

A nucleus

Surrounded by two buzzing

Electrons

Instead of a

Brain.

I float too

High

Without a string to pull

Me down.

I’ve lifted off like a

Rocket ship

On a one-way trip

To mars

And I’m aborting

This mission early

Because I’ve realized

That I don’t have enough

Fuel

To return

Home.

I’m wandering through

Space

Without

Direction,

Without a

Gridline

To calculate my

Location.

I’m floating

And spinning

And dizzy

And I can’t find a

Reference

To stabilize me

Or a point to

Aim for.

I want to be buried

Deep

Inside of the

Earth

Right now--

For the soil to

Engulf

Me

Like a hoard of

Zombies

Converting me in-

To dirt.

I crave more carbon

Dioxide

To deprive me from

Thinking

With a mutated

Organ

That was supposed to be a

Brain

But was passed without

Inspection

On the irreversible assembly line

Of creation,

And can’t be

Returned.

If God sends his

Children

Down to earth to

Watch them suffer

Then I don’t want to come home.

But I don’t want to be

Here

Either.

I don’t want to

Be

Alive

Before or after

Death--

I don’t want to

Be

Anymore.